A personal story
We can all have these, and then can be more or less determining against our pleasure and enjoyment of sex. It can come from a bad experience, or just having a play partner that wasn’t quite doing it like you would want, and have therefore put you off it. Like most things in life, its absolutely up to yourself if you want to do anything about it, however do not make yourself believe that its the end of the story and you can never overcome it.
Recommend first and foremost to seek professional guidance, however here is a personal story shared, on how BDSM can help with more then just some fun enjoyful kinks.
The particular sexual hang-up here, is the “going down” or “eating pussy”, that over the years due to some history, had managed to work itself into a hard limit.
BDSM however comes with one fun thing.. control! Control can both be fun to play with but also be a tool in a situation where one party (be it Dom or sub) needs to OWN their own experience of it a little more then usual.
The partner here got trained on eating fruits in a very specific manner, and over many months (years) had to demonstrate that they knew how to do the specific movements with tongue and mouth so there was a consistency in it. Once this was achieved, in a controlled way, the partner replicated the movements, but only once when instructed. This gave control back so that everything was consistent, over-consented and on command only.
Always start with one small experience, so you can celebrate with your partner a success, instead of having to rush to do the most extreme aftercare. This can then be repeated at later time again and again, until slowly the trust is fully there and the confidence builds.
This is build on a particular specific sexual hang up, however you can look at designing a process that would help you with yours. Step one is always to have a partner who is understanding, patience and who will follow your guidance and make sure you OWN the control over the experience.
Keep in mind, that this might be a place where a sub needs to be the one in control for once, and as a Dom it is not about your EGO, but about the help you can give your partner in overcoming something they want to work on.
Why does this work in BDSM:
- In BDSM, there is often a large freedom to talk about sex and Limits are one of the first parts of any BDSM conversation. As a standard you will be asked to share limits and it is expected that you take note of your partners limits. This then open the conversation further to whether its hard limits or if they are sexual hang-ups or if they are just not on the kink list of things
- BDSM is naturally and usually some control exhange, either SUB to DOM or Little to Caregiver or even a bit of a mixed play, however control is part of it. It is therefore not hard to find a play partner in BDSM world that understand what it means to transfer control. Still, make sure you pick a good one 😉
- BDSM usually have a lot sites, discord servers and so on, which means a large knowledge set both of people but of resource, where you can help get ideas to how you can build up your training for this.
And this just to name the top 3 reasons.
Feel free to share in comments anything you want to note to this, as this is a rather heavy subject, and others may learn from your experience or your ideas around this.
And finally: A thanks to this particular sub, who helped their Dom overcome a bad experience!
DominantSpace 