MPS’ it: Mental, Physical, Spiritual

When providing aftercare, it is important to understand, prior to the play, what your play partner(s) requires and needs from the aftercare. Some people a simple tea and a chat and others want a nice guided mediation. Find the sweet spot for yourself as well, so you can help your play partner(s) understand your need.

Mentally:

A vital in the aftercare kit. Do not forget this one.

After a play it is good to talk over what took place and get some feedback on whether it was good or bad, even if it was the mildest play. It can also be good to start a BDSM journal or blog that will help you centre into how you feel.

This should be in consideration of what the play is and what space your play partner(s) need. Whether this is a ‘brain switch’ situation because of some shame/guilt trip from an Impact play or whether this is some confirmation after degrading session, specific targeting is smart. The same way that if you had a cut on your leg, you wouldn’t bandage your arm. You can of course apply mental care to all parts to be sure, but if you have done a degrading, the specific targeted sentence should be part of it as an example.

Physical:

During impact play you may have open cuts or scratches which require medical & physical attention, even if this is just putting on a bandage. This is usually the scenarios that come to mind when saying physical aftercare, but this can also very much be a hug or a nice massage. The physical aspect should ideally always be included but keeping it dependent on play. If you have a play partner(s) or you yourself struggle with physical touch, then consider things such as a box breathing exercise or a physical activity which will lower the intensity level your body is experiencing. If you have even half tripped on a set of stairs but not fallen, you will notice your body is still intensified of this experience, just as much as if you had slipped and fallen. There is the reverse of this as well. If you try and dance around for a moment and then yawn, you will notice how your body now expects that it is meant to be resting and it will slow down. It does help with the oxygen intake as well too.

Yawning can therefore prove quite helpful in reducing the levels and calming you down after an intense play. Drawing is another great physical activity that can help both physically but mentally as well.

Spiritually:

This is not necessarily one you come across often, but as BDSM is a wide family of all kinds, we also include and should include this in the back pocket. After an intense session, you may find yourself or your play partner(s) would like to pray, or read form a holy scripture or meditate while burning sage. Whichever is connecting is the one to go for. Make a space ready for the spiritual activity prior to the play, so it’s right there and ready for after.

Degrading reinforcement sentences for degrading:

Imagine a play scene where wording such as “you are so stupid, aren’t you. tell me how stupid you are” are flying around and the sub has to repeat this back. Even if the sub is of sound mind, this may still leave an effect, so the best way to guard the mental side, is to have a confirming statement that the sub says before and after, and it is part of aftercare which states such as “I am smart, and I am loved”. you can add a sensory marker as well prior to the play and after the play as well, whether this is a specific tea only used for aftercare or so. Have the sentence repeated often and make it true to the sub, so they know this is true to what you think of them.

What is ‘brain Switching’:

It’s based on the idea to ‘Switch’ your brain from the emotional areas to your logical areas. It works, but the title nor foundational idea as maybe a bit simplified in every way. The best approach is to first recap over the situation and go over feelings. It’s important not to judge or comment but just hear and share emotions at this point.

5 items down approach: Once this is done, then look for 5 items that are in a certain colour. 4 items that feels different when touched. if the person is in distress have the person touch these as well. 3 items that sound different when falling. again, in a case of distress have the person drop them. 2 items that smell different. have them smell if in distress. 1 item they love above all and why.

10 naming approach: have them list a top 10 of something with justification. Try and find something that is not deeply emotional like “list of songs”. Recommend, favourite presidents, favourite historical figures, favourite celebrities or something similar. This will engage the right part of the brain for you.

Once you have done an exercise that requires logical thinking engaged, then recap over the situation again and notice if the emotional side have a more logical approach. This time, ask questions that will leave them thinking over the earlier events.

Looking out for mental distress:

Shame or guilt or trauma sometimes appear the brightest in the details. It can be someone stating a little thing like “I usually better” or then being a bit more sensitive and emotional in speech. it can be someone who is chatty that goes quiet, or AND RARELY NOTICED someone who is usually quiet going extra chatty. Someone more chatty does not mean the person necessarily is more happy

It can also be spotted in longer duration. Imagine someone who never wears make-up, all of a sudden wearing it, or someone who always wears it stops.

What is Box Breathing:

Box breathing is visualising a box infront of you and then imagining drawing the sides of it with your breath. Even if the visual is not your thing, the physical side of box breathing will still be good. It is best to practise box breathing a few times before exposing yourself to a situation where you need to use it.

Let’s try it for a moment. I want you to breathe in while slowly counting to 4. Then hold your breath while counting to 4. then exhale while counting to 4. then hold for 4, and then back to inhale for 4. Repeat this a few times, till you feel comfortable.

To stimulate and intensify a situation, you make the counts shorter. This can be to warm up, or to enjoy extra intensity during nipple play or so on

To calm a situation you extend the count longer to 6 as an example. This will physically make you slow down and relax more.

What to do in cases of a panic attack:

Panic attacks are extremely upsetting for the person experiencing them. They sit under the category of needing some mental aftercare, but you need to consider the Physical shock too. Keeping the person wrapped up in something warm and sitting comfortably, so if the body temperature drops, they do not feel cold.

In addition to this “brain switching” will be a good way to approach as well, but there are many technics, and so the recommendation is to use the one that works the best.